Listing description | Actual meaning |
Miles from NYC | Not in NYC |
Meticulously maintained | Needs work |
Investment opportunity | Needs lots of work |
Needs work | God help you |
Unique | Bad |
Charming | Old |
Cozy | Small |
Distinctive | Weird |
Eat-in kitchen | There’s a tiny table in the corner and we can’t legally prevent you from eating there |
Chef’s kitchen | Contains a stove |
Highly functional kitchen | Meets the minimum standards for being advertised as a kitchen |
Move-in ready | (I would hope so?) |
Turn-key | The structural problems are well hidden |
<List price> | This house sold two weeks ago for $600k over ask, in cash |